OHMYGOSHIMOVEIN10DAYS!

A note before we begin: This is the longest I have ever gone without blogging. Sowwy :( 

As I sit here eating homemade sorbet (which will change your life) I have been driven to blog for two reasons. The first being that I am getting messages/texts/etc. from people who keep asking if I am still alive (I am! Chafonda didn’t win!)  The second being I am to the point where I need some kind of catharsis from the stress that is living inside of my world. Stress that screams to me from unpacked boxes, piles to take to Goodwill and a general chaos that is causing my cat to pull out my hair. Seriously. I have a collection of photographic evidence.

She sits there, and eats my hair.

This stress stems from something I call: My mom was right. Yes, you heard it hear first. My mom always seems to be right! How does this happen? She pays someone I swear.

From the time I was about 8 years old I wanted to be 12, and by then I was headed to 16, and at that point I frankly wanted to be graduating college. To say I wanted to be ahead was an understatement. SO many times I would tell my mom, “Why can’t I be doing this right now? I wish ___________ was over (_________ was usually high school and then freshman year and then summer, etc.) Often, in all of her astute wisdom my mom would prescribe ice cream, a bubble bath, and a “Don’t wish your life away Natalie O’fallon” to slow me down.

And while my mom had the right idea, to slow down and relax, the world had, and has still, a very different one. Often you enter college and the first year people tell you to take your time and enjoy it, get settled in. Then after you have survived that they ask you, “When do you graduate?” They want you to hurry up and get there, wait out freshmen year, hurry up and graduate, and then what?

It’s all hurry-up and wait. Hurry up and apply to college, but wait to choose which one is right. Hurry up and finish college, wait for a job in this economy. Hurry up and find a partner, but don’t you dare get married, wait. Hurry up and figure out the who, what, where, when and why of your life, but wait to actually get any of those things in place.  I know I can’t be the only one who used to dream of a time where I would have a job in my field, a reliable used car, and maybe an apartment that actually would make me proud to have people over (you laugh but I’m 100% serious, and also 100% grateful of what I do have). So I patiently hurried along all of the things I was supposed to and now, for a year, I have been waiting.

Soon the waiting will be over. In less than 10 days I am moving cross country to pursue that career I hurried up to get. In the meantime this year of waiting, and in many ways a year of trials and disappointments, has served to teach me that my mom was right. Don’t wish your life away. The periods of rush-rush and the periods of waiting and longing, they are there for a reason. This year has showed me what I really want, and that is something to be valued. This year has also showed me why Ben and Jerry’s may be an excellent stock option.

After waiting months to be gainfully employed in a new classroom of 8^th graders, in a matter of days (1 month from tomorrow to be exact) it will be the 1^st day of school in a new school, new city, and a new state. So here goes nothing!

XOXO Natalie

P.S.- On my tip cross country I will be blogging every night in the hotel with pictures of the journey and experience, cause let’s be real, how often does a 20 something give up everything they know and pursue their dream job? Oh right, everyday. Be brave people, get out there!

Real Women

Begin Rant:

There are a few things that bug me. Running out of ice cream is one of them. Another is when people, women in particular, SLAM one another, especially over the internet.

A picture is posted and the girls aren’t a size ___________.

Internet comment: “They’re fat/unhealthy.” Or…. “They’re anorexic.”

Since when did it become okay to comment on photos of women that most likely the commenter doesn’t know, and furthermore, comment on their physical wellbeing?

Did I miss that memo? If so thank goodness.

How is this okay? In this world there are all sizes and shapes of women, and there is a reason for that. We are all made genetically unique. We all have different stories, different life circumstance, different goals, and different bodies. I have never met someone whose legs looked just like mine, or who had eyes the same shade of green as mine, or who had the exact same proportions everywhere that I do. That’s the beauty of our world!

There might be an “average” size woman in this country, and if there is why does it really matter? There are also average ages, average years of schooling, and many other averages statisticians calculate on a regular basis. Women might be above, below, or at this average but that has absolutely no bearing on their worth, and it should have absolutely no bearing on how strangers see them, especially on the internet.

People can judge me if they want. I try my very best to not let that bug me (especially the opinions of those who don’t know me), but what in anyone’s right mind makes it okay to tear a woman down online based on her body? A girl could be a size you think is “above average” so that makes her unhealthy? Or a girl could be a size you think is underweight so that must mean she hates food/has an eating disorder?  Almost worse is when women who are choosing to build musculature and working damn hard are being told they “look gross.” WHAT about our society made this okay?

I guess I just really don’t get it. As a woman I know the battle we all face everyday when we look in the mirror. So why would I choose to pass body judgment on another woman I don’t know? You know all the complexities that go into why your body looks the way it does any given day (did I eat 3 bowls of past last night, am I bloated, did I forget to eat dinner cause I was studying, etc.) so realize before you make a judgment call, or worse a hateful comment, that their body is complex too!

And the whole “real women” thing. There is absolutely no body type that makes someone a real woman. Perhaps it is when we stick up for one another, embrace what makes us feel feminine individually, and celebrate womanhood that we see what  real women look like.

End Rant. 

Perspective. Get Some.

I’ve decided a few things lately……

1. The song Africa by Toto is my all time favorite. This was only solidified when at a volunteer event this weekend they dedicated it to me. Boom.

2. My life is basically a movie.

Girl from small town moves to the city.

Graduates college.

Gets dream job.

Uses her vast savings to move cross country to pursue dream job.

Oh wait, not a movie. My vast savings include a collection of Harry Potter books, a mixer, homemade pottery, and a cat named Peaches. Unfortunately, these do not pay for a 1,500 mile move. Fortunately, they all make me very happy.

So as I prepare to move, I find financing this venture is incredibly overwhelming. In addition, I have found myself realizing there are a lot of boxes to pack. More than that, there are many car rides to be taken with Peaches so instead of hearing “MeeeeeeeeOOOOOWwwwwww” for 24 hours cross country I hear a gentle, soothing purr. (Not. Likely.)

It has been so easy for me to feel stressed about this new job that I really haven’t taken a moment to celebrate it. With the tests, the costs, the adult paperwork, and the whole “get your life together because you’re about to move it 1,500 miles away,” I have been less than thankful.

And just when that lack of thankfulness hit me I watched a series of videos yesterday that gave me some intense perspective. This intense perspective hit me in a wave of tears as I watched a woman find her dog after the storm, teachers comforting students whom they had protected, families dealing with loss, and a boy who faced a diagnosis of terminal cancer with a spirit I had never seen.

I have an apartment full of beautiful things, a family full of wonderful people, a career I can be passionate about, and I have my health. By all accounts I have more than I need, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. It is so very easy to forget this and instead focus on a Uhaul bill, or any other stressors. Instead I should focus on my new career, the support I have around me, and all the things that go right.

Many of you who know me know that the past few months have been filled with a few “downs,” but there have been “ups” too and that is what should be focused on. Find the positives, and work with what you have. Things work out. They do. It takes a little time. Sometimes it takes a really good cry. Sometimes it takes intense perspective.

If you’re interested in watching one of the videos I have in the last 24 hours here is a link. Be prepared with tissues and chocolate. In addition, you can find the music video for Africa by Toto. It is just that good.

This is Zach. He will change your outlook.

This is Toto. He will just help you dance around your living room.

Much love.

A Letter to my Mom

Today is one of those days where it is overcast, cold, and just windy enough to make the wind chime on the patio swirl around. It reminds me of the days you would wake me up with Nag Champa, and Annie Lenox/Sarah McLachlan/Alanis Morissette echoing through the house. I remember walking out and the entire living room would be taken apart, and all the furniture would be in mid-rearrangement. These were the days we spent cleaning, singing, dancing around, and debating the finer points of moving the couch to a new wall for the 4^th time that month. Days like that make up some of my sweetest moments from childhood, especially the days where the couch stayed half-moved for a week or so.

Today also happens to be Mother’s Day, and, like last year, we are about 200 miles apart. Soon that number will be about 1,563 (but really whose counting?) Perhaps the thing I’m looking to forward most in Utah is when you come to visit and we can spend 8 hours in IKEA, and about 4 hours driving through the mountains, windows down, listening to CCR/America/Fleetwood Mac, and not thinking even a little bit about the gas mileage, sorry Dad.

The last 23 years I have not had a single person in my life more dependable than you, more supportive than you, more loving than you. I have called you at literally every hour of the day for reasons ranging from a cute outfit, to a tough test, to a “should my cat really be making this noise right now?” Your ability to always come up with a plan of attack never ceases to amaze me, and 99% of the time they are great plans. The other 1%? That is when you call me the next day having looked at the caller ID and you don’t recall our 10 minute talk at 4 AM. Those are usually fantastic conversations too.

Those things aside, the most important thing you have taught me is how to embrace life in so many ways. How to try the sushi, buy the shoes, walk the log, take the job, and give the boy a chance (I’m sure Matt is grateful). You are one of the only people I know who truly lives. You have a spiritual wealth, a joy that radiates to others, and a passion for the everyday-the things I strive to bring to the world too. Where I would find monotony as a teen you would find an opportunity. You also may be the only human who doesn’t worry. Like they always discuss a “mother’s worry.” I think your Iron Woman because you’re cool as a cucumber, constantly.

You have also told me many times before in moments where I typically said something really weird, “How did I wind up with an amazing child like you?” The real question is how did I end up with exactly the mother I needed to learn about life, and all the beauty it contains? How did I get the mom who just gets me, in all of my oddities? How did I get to be the luckiest girl in the world, truly? Thank goodness Chafonda stepped aside because I don’t know how easy it would be for me to share you.

I can’t really keep writing because at this point I can guarantee the both of us are crying (I get that from you, you know.) I’m also hungry, which you can understand only too well (I’m hungryyyy). I am so grateful for you mom, for every talk we have ever had, every argument I have ever lost, every chore I was forced to do, every fear I was encouraged to face. You are the type of woman I can only hope to be like someday, and I love you more Meemaw.

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." -Abraham Lincoln

Happy Mother's Day Sheila

XOXO 

Struggle Bus

I could rename my blog today. I really could. And what would I call it you ask? The Struggle Bus.

Turns out that’s taken. Someone beat me to it. Shucks. Why Struggle Bus you ask? Because I’m officially on it friends, join the party. We have free kittens.

Now for the most part I don’t discuss what situations I’m facing on my blog, instead I just dole out my feelings and censor all those gory details. Today, you get the gory details.

I’m a certified teacher in the state of Michigan (GO MITTEN!) I can teach any science 6^th-12^th. I love being a teacher. Recently as you all may know, I got a dream teaching position in Utah which I accepted. I move on July 29^th.  In order to teach in Utah (or any other state that isn’t Michigan) I have to pass a test. No biggie right? All of college coming down to one 120 question test that is the most failed of its kind in the country, easy peasy.

So I signed up for the test in late March and studied for a few days before. I felt pretty confident since I passed the Michigan test the first time that this would be no different. Turns out I passed the test in 47 states. The three I didn’t pass in? Arkansas, Massachusetts, and you guessed it, Utah. BY ONE POINT.

Second time around signed up for April 29^th (today) and got a prep book. Spent the last few weeks studying and practicing. Then I had surgery this past week. I figured I would hopefully feel okay by the time I took the test. So today arrived and off to the test I went. And guess what happened? I passed the test in 47 states. The three I didn’t pass in? Arkansas, Massachusetts, and UTAH. BY ONE POINT. AGAIN.

On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being my own private day with giraffes and 1 being anything awful you can think of, I emerged from the testing center feeling about a -3. Now I would have to take the test again, and wait over a month, cutting it a little close for my comfort in terms of getting certified in Utah.

Obviously I responded the way any normal 20 something would, I called my mom crying, ate a bowl of chocolate rice krispies, cried some more, and took a hot shower (please tell me if you have any other self pity methods I can take part in, I’m on a time limit….see below). Needless to say, it has been a rough evening.

It was so easy for me to feel awful after. Easy for me to lash out, and cry, complain, and generally wallow in my own self pity. We have all been there. Whether it be a test, the loss of a job, a dream opportunity turning out much differently than you thought, or a variety of other problems. On top of my surgery, this test seemed like the end of the world tonight.

And I could continue to wallow for a month waiting for the next test date. I could let it stress me out everyday, frustrate me, and generally wreak havoc on my health in what should be a time of healing. But I think there was a reason this happened to me today, April 29^th. Because April 30^th, is a big day in my family. A sad day. It is the day two years ago we lost my cousin Matthew Noble. And you know what one of the first things I thought of tonight once I ate the entire box of cocoa krispies? That if Matt were in this situation he would grab a drink and relax. He would know this is just a hurdle, a small one. His dreams were so much bigger than hurdles. He would tell me to “chill little cousin cause life is too short.” He would be so calm it may actually bug me, but I would know he was right. He would also tell me that the third time is the charm.

And even though Matt isn’t here to tell me I know that’s what he would do. And it might seem like a rough few weeks for me, but in the scheme of my life and my dreams? This is so very small. So two years later, I think of my cousin today, and everyday, as he reminds me that sweating the small stuff gets me nowhere.

Stressed about finals? Graduation? Family stuff? A teacher certification test in Utah? Life is too short to stress. Give yourself one good cry and then move forward. I also recommend the cocoa krispies. Truly exquisite.

Love & Hugs.

Love you Matt. To read a blog I wrote about him last year, check here: (http://natalieofallon.blogspot.com/2012/04/noble.html)