I could rename my blog today. I really could. And what would I call it you ask? The Struggle Bus.
Turns out that’s taken. Someone beat me to it. Shucks. Why Struggle Bus you ask? Because I’m officially on it friends, join the party. We have free kittens.
Now for the most part I don’t discuss what situations I’m facing on my blog, instead I just dole out my feelings and censor all those gory details. Today, you get the gory details.
I’m a certified teacher in the state of Michigan (GO MITTEN!) I can teach any science 6th-12th. I love being a teacher. Recently as you all may know, I got a dream teaching position in Utah which I accepted. I move on July 29th. In order to teach in Utah (or any other state that isn’t Michigan) I have to pass a test. No biggie right? All of college coming down to one 120 question test that is the most failed of its kind in the country, easy peasy.
So I signed up for the test in late March and studied for a few days before. I felt pretty confident since I passed the Michigan test the first time that this would be no different. Turns out I passed the test in 47 states. The three I didn’t pass in? Arkansas, Massachusetts, and you guessed it, Utah. BY ONE POINT.
Second time around signed up for April 29th (today) and got a prep book. Spent the last few weeks studying and practicing. Then I had surgery this past week. I figured I would hopefully feel okay by the time I took the test. So today arrived and off to the test I went. And guess what happened? I passed the test in 47 states. The three I didn’t pass in? Arkansas, Massachusetts, and UTAH. BY ONE POINT. AGAIN.
On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being my own private day with giraffes and 1 being anything awful you can think of, I emerged from the testing center feeling about a -3. Now I would have to take the test again, and wait over a month, cutting it a little close for my comfort in terms of getting certified in Utah.
Obviously I responded the way any normal 20 something would, I called my mom crying, ate a bowl of chocolate rice krispies, cried some more, and took a hot shower (please tell me if you have any other self pity methods I can take part in, I’m on a time limit….see below). Needless to say, it has been a rough evening.
It was so easy for me to feel awful after. Easy for me to lash out, and cry, complain, and generally wallow in my own self pity. We have all been there. Whether it be a test, the loss of a job, a dream opportunity turning out much differently than you thought, or a variety of other problems. On top of my surgery, this test seemed like the end of the world tonight.
And I could continue to wallow for a month waiting for the next test date. I could let it stress me out everyday, frustrate me, and generally wreak havoc on my health in what should be a time of healing. But I think there was a reason this happened to me today, April 29th. Because April 30th, is a big day in my family. A sad day. It is the day two years ago we lost my cousin Matthew Noble. And you know what one of the first things I thought of tonight once I ate the entire box of cocoa krispies? That if Matt were in this situation he would grab a drink and relax. He would know this is just a hurdle, a small one. His dreams were so much bigger than hurdles. He would tell me to “chill little cousin cause life is too short.” He would be so calm it may actually bug me, but I would know he was right. He would also tell me that the third time is the charm.
And even though Matt isn’t here to tell me I know that’s what he would do. And it might seem like a rough few weeks for me, but in the scheme of my life and my dreams? This is so very small. So two years later, I think of my cousin today, and everyday, as he reminds me that sweating the small stuff gets me nowhere.
Stressed about finals? Graduation? Family stuff? A teacher certification test in Utah? Life is too short to stress. Give yourself one good cry and then move forward. I also recommend the cocoa krispies. Truly exquisite.
Love & Hugs.
Love you Matt. To read a blog I wrote about him last year, check here: (http://natalieofallon.blogspot.com/2012/04/noble.html)